Regret
by Wynn D. Fae
Summary: Done in Kain's POV, what he might have been thinking before condemning Raziel. Ties in with seperate fics not shown here


The time was dangerously at hand. I could feel it in my soul, the beginning of an end. I stared at my legions, my lieutenents, and wondered how I could bring myself to do what must be done. I have ruled this land for thousands upong thousands of years and only now am I confronted with yet another moral dilemma. The time of evolution is nearly here and I am admittingly dreading the results for my firstborn, Raziel.  
  
Raziel. Next to myself, he was driven by the need for power and dominance. I admired him, even when he dared to go against me at times. I have watched him grow into an excellent killer and an even more excellent subject. I sometimes overlook his flaws, so like my own when I was a young vampire and completely unaware of the destiny that lay in store for me. Raziel knows nothing of what I have seen during my visits to the Chronoplast. His entire being will be turned upside down and I will be the one to send him on his way. He will hate me for it. He will come after me over countless centuries and hunger for my death. Regret at what I must do wells inside me like a poison. Inside, I shudder, even as my sons enter the Pillars' chamber and bow down to me with respect.  
  
I eye them in turn, taking in their individual abilities and drives. I feel their exhaustion and their need to go into the hibernation phase in which they would emerge with new gifts. Turel, Dumah, Rahab, Zephon, and Melchiah...all loyal to me and my empire. Each have created clans of their own and have taken over all corners of Nosgoth. The former site of the Pillars is the seat of my power, quite literally.  
  
Turel is the next strongest to Raziel and myself. He resonates with raw power, some controlled but most not. He is my silent killer, deft and exacting. If Raziel had not been my firstborn, Turel would have been my favored son. He was strong, willing, and able. However, he was also a blind fool. Dumah was no different. Hot-tempered and always eager for battle, he has transgressed against my will more times than I care to recall. Rahab is a unique, if not weak, vampire. A constant schemer, he plans out all of my strategies for battle. Zephon, another crafty and weak individual. Melchiah...I can only take pity on him, the poor wretch. He has indeed recieved the least of my power and his body falls apart constantly.  
  
Finally, my eyes come to a rest on Raziel. Tall, proud, and powerful Raziel. He is my greatest accomplishment and my greatest despair. I found it difficult to stare at him for too long, the knowledge of his destiny burned too high inside me, and I looked away. I could see them all shifting uncomfortably at my sudden display of emotion.  
  
"My lord Kain," Raziel cleared his throat as he stepped forward. I turned my gaze back to him steadily. "The time is upon us and we all must retreat to our chambers for the hibernation period. As always, you will go first so we may watch over you."  
  
"Of course," I replied and stood from my throne, the Reaver clutched in my fist. All six bowed as I walked between them. It would take approximately a month for the evolutionary process to be complete and then they would all present their new gifts before me. I shuddered inside, knowing the time was coming...  
  
*****  
  
I was fortunate enough to have comfort in this dark time. My lady, Wynn, was waiting for me in our shared chambers, preparing the sarcophogi for our long rest. Her large eyes took me in as they always did, shining with loyalty and admiration. In the past few decades of her tutelage under me she had grown into an even more lovely vision. Long, cascading raven hair dipped over her pale and creamy flesh, coming to a rest at the small of her back. She was dressed in loose robes that displayed her charms clearly through the wispy fabric. I suppressed the urge to take her and approached the larger of the sarcophogi.  
  
"You seem distressed, my lord," Wynn observed softly, her eyes never leaving my face. "Has the time come already? Is he even prepared for what he must do?"  
  
I gripped the sides of the stone casket and sighed so heavily it shook my frame. She stepped up to me and placed her small hands on my shoulders, her touch bringing me peace. "Regardless, it must be done. He will hate me for this. Indifference comes easily to me, yet I find it difficult to remain as such when I think about the hatred he will soon harbor towards me."  
  
"He will understand one day. It will take a very, very long time before he does, but he will. Our own time will be limited after the deed is done," Wynn whispered, sadness creeping into her voice as she turned away from me, one hand clutched to her breast. "An eternity is never long enough for me, my lord. Especially when that eternity only ends in my--"  
  
I was beside her in a heartbeat, drawing her to me and smothering her words before they escaped her lips. "Losing my favored firstborn will be hard enough. I do not need you thinking about the future. I should never have taken you there.." I knew I would be a hardened man indeed after her death. After that happened, I would be on my way to rewrite history so both Raziel and I could fulfill our true paths. Perhaps then he would forgive me for what I must do in exactly thirty days....  
  
*****  
  
"Stay here," I instructed as I fastened my clan cloak to my shoulders. Wynn sat on the large canopy bed, staring at me. She nodded and watched me exit the chambers. With a heavy heart, I made my way to the Pillars' room, already hearing my sons talking amongst themselves and comparing new gifts like children on their birthdays. Raziel's voice was missing from the jumble of deep intones and again I shivered. It was happening.  
  
Many moments later, as I sat in my throne, the Reaver at my side, I heard my five sons give a collective gasp as Raziel strode into the chamber, devoid of pride. Turel and Dumah stared at their brother's back, clearly stunned by what they saw. Raziel knelt before me, hand on his upraised knee and slowly unfurled his new gift.  
  
Wings.  
  
I gave a start of surprise then quickly suppressed it as I walked over to him. They were large, batlike, and seemed perfectly capable of flight. As my sons watched, I slid my talons over the thin membrane of Raziel's fledging wings until they came to a rest on the delicate joints at the center. A moment's pause, a swallow to quell my dislike at having to do this, I brought my full strength down on Raziel's wings, ripping bone from flesh. With a scream of agony, Raziel collapsed before me in a heap. I squeezed the bony frameof his wings tightly in my talons, so tightly I could hear them snapping. My heart pounded in my chest as I circled his unconsious body and snapped orders at Turel and Dumah.  
  
"Bring him! You know what becomes of traitors to the empire!" I snarled, hiding my true emotions. Turel and Dumah did as they were told, each taking one of Raziel's arms and dragging his unresisting body to the cliffs of the Lake of the Dead.  
  
I strode ahead of them, faintly recalling the mysteries behind the Lake. A place of tortured souls, I had employed it into disciplining my legions. Death was the only penalty for traitors and weaklings. Raziel was neither of those, yet this was the only method I knew of that would help him achieve his destiny sooner. I crouched at the edge of the cliffs and surveyed the waters. Swirling green and blue below, the waters of the Lake sang with the cries of the damned. To my left, Turel and Dumah presented their broken elder brother to me, each looking to me for the order.  
  
I turned from them, keeping my back to the sight. Despair welled inside me and I closed my eyes briefly.  
  
"Cast him in."  
  
I blocked Raziel's last few desperate pleas from my ears and again when I heard his trailing scream as he sailed towards the swirling abyss. A distant splash and his cries ceased, swallowed up by the Lake's hungry waters. I stalked away from the cliffs, my heart thudding so hard in my ribcage it threatened to explode. As I entered the tunnels leading back to the Sanctuary of the Clans, I heard a gasp to my right. Turning my head, I noticed his white lady huddled in a corner of the caverns, Raziel's clan cloak wrapped tightly around her small frame. I gazed at her for many moments, forced a sound of disgust and continued on my way. I heard her footsteps as she ran to the edge of the cliffs and gave out a cry of incredible despair. My other sons followed me without speaking, each ignoring the tortured lady who had simply slumped down at the cliff's edge and lay there whimpering Raziel's name.  
  
I feel your pain, child...you may never believe me, but I do. I loved him as well...  
  
*****  
  
It had been countless centuries, eons, millenia, since the last time I could remember tears falling from my eyes. In the darkness of our chambers, Wynn held me to her small body tightly, her own tears of sadness joining mine. Regret, pain, all of the most negative emotions I could imagine burst from my mind. It would be many, many years before I would see my firstborn again and I would have to feign indifference once more. A mask was so easy to wear after all this time. A pity it never remained easy.  
  
My beautiful Raziel. I pray my faith in your hatred pays off in the end. For both of us.  
  
-End 


End file.
